Moms shared the advice they look for in group chats – and we got experts to weigh in to help

Once your baby is able to safely sit up unassisted, bath time turns into an opportunity for your child to play and explore. Provide your baby with different play objects to help expand the chore of getting clean into a time to learn and develop.

Adding bubbles to the bathtub can help your little one have a new sensory experience. And incorporating bath toys such as floating toys or foam shapes that can be stuck to the bathtub wall. These toys can encourage your baby to practise their reaching and grasping skills. Make sure to keep the tub water shallow as they will most likely be unsteady as they continue to develop their sitting skills in the bath.

In the preteen years, children are going through rapid physical, emotional and brain-level changes which can contribute to a change in their behaviour. It’s normal for children at this stage in development to crave more independence. I would suggest giving her options she can choose from which will help her feel more in charge of her daily routine.

(For example, “Would you like to eat eggs or cereal for breakfast?” Or, “Would you like to wear your purple jacket or rain coat to school today?”)

Also, think about other ways she can be in charge throughout the day to help her build her sense of independence (for example, helping you make breakfast or being in charge of her own morning routine with the aid of lists or visual reminders). I’d recommend finding opportunities to grow her independence and also allowing her some room to make her own mistakes and learn from them.

Good news! This is not only normal but actually ideal from a developmental standpoint. Around this time our children are beginning to navigate the next big step on the pathway of “individuating” – becoming their own person. To do that they have to push their parents away.

In terms of how to manage going forward – since life still needs to get done – the secret to securing some kind of co-operation is going to be relationship and the old adage: “connect to direct.” How can you be interested in what she is interested in? How can you carve out times to enjoy some fun with her? How can you be really generous with her in your love and actions?

Sleep problems are common in childhood and adolescence. Young children (at the age of 3-5) should get 10 to 13 hours of sleep a night, school-aged children (6-12) should get nine to 12 hours a night and adolescents (13-18) should get eight to 10 hours a night. The best way to get your child to sleep longer is to make sure they have a healthy circadian rhythm or sleep-wake cycle.

This can be accomplished by:

• Ensuring they’re getting enough physical activity throughout the day (a minimum of one hour a day, ideally outdoors).
• Ensuring they’re getting enough daylight exposure throughout the day.
• Ensuring they have a solid sleep routine.

A good sleep routine includes the following:

• The same bedtime and wakeup time every day of the week
• Avoiding daytime naps
• Avoiding screen time one to two hours before bed
• Engaging in relaxing rituals before bed time to help trigger sleepiness (bath, brush teeth, read a book, relaxing music, deep breathing, low lighting, etc.).

It’s also helpful to make sure your child’s room is a quiet, relaxing and calm place that is conducive to sleep. If your child continues to struggle with sleep after trying these strategies for a few weeks, please consult with your health care professional. Some children have underlying anxiety, health problems or sleep disorders which require a different approach.

We all know the phrase that it takes a village – build a village around you and your child. This could be other parents, neighbours or family members. A group of people who can be a sounding board, people you can seek advice from and a community who also love your child and can step in and help as a caregiver from time to time.

I also think that parents need to trust their intuition – don’t over-read and research, do what feels right. Too many opinions can create confusion and insecurity. If you are concerned about something with your child, seek quality advice through your pediatrician, family doctor or an educated expert.

Perhaps framing the importance of learning to drive as an opportunity to gain more independence and freedom may be helpful. Natural consequences are an effective learning strategy. If you stop driving your teen places, this may help to encourage them to get their licence after they realize how inconvenient it can be to find their own transportation.

If you feel that anxiety may be at the root of the problem, try being curious and asking them about their worries, making sure you validate their feelings at the same time. Regular practice and gradual exposure to driving will also be helpful in easing their worry. Perhaps they can start practising in an empty parking lot before trying a quiet road then a busier city street. Finding the right instructor, someone who is patient and calm, is also a good idea.

The expectations and pressure on mothers in our generation are immense. For example, mothers are expected to perform 100 per cent in their career and parenting roles, sometimes with little support, all while listening to constant parenting advice offered up on social media and feeling inadequate.

The most important piece of advice I can give you as a child psychologist is that there is no perfect way to parent. Children need stable, loving and emotionally available parents who meet their needs most of the time (but not always) in order to thrive and be securely attached. No parent is perfect, and we all make mistakes.

They can’t. And, moms can work with their thoughts about their guilt. Guilt is a “made-up” sentiment of the human mind. Many people, especially moms, have lots of “evidence” they can produce to make themselves believe the idea or story that they aren’t good enough. If you allow that story to take over, it will colour your perception of everything in life and you will drown in a self-made ocean of guilt.

While you really aren’t going to ever be able to expunge that entirely from your experience as a mom, you can set about transforming it so guilt doesn’t become your all-consuming narrative.

The key here is going to be a mix of compassion and acceptance. Focus on sitting with acceptance that you yelled or didn’t do the thing you think you should have. Have compassion for yourself in that. Consider that you didn’t start out your day intent on being a grumpy mom. And rather that the chaos of the day just got the better of you. And then, set an intention to do it differently next time.

In the wise words of Samuel Beckett, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”