Jessica Weisz is the founder of Rule Breaker, a platform supporting working parents. She is a writer and speaker, and hosts gatherings.
The most recent U.S. surgeon-general advisory is a groundbreaking warning on the poor mental health and well-being of parents – a move as significant as past warnings on smoking or social media use. Yet, this critical announcement has largely gone unreported in Canada. This is a warning that we can’t afford to ignore. The crisis of parental well-being isn’t confined by borders, and Canada’s seemingly progressive policies don’t make us immune to the challenges faced by parents south of the border.
The advisory’s findings are alarming. They reveal that 41 per cent of parents say most days they’re too stressed to function and 48 per cent find their stress completely overwhelming. Nearly three-quarters of parents report feeling consumed by worries regarding money, compared with 39 per cent of other adults.
While comprehensive data in Canada are lacking, there are many indicators that we are experiencing the same crisis.
Canadian parents are not thriving. A 2024 landmark study by the Canadian Centre for Caregiving Excellence found that nearly half of caregivers feel tired, worried or anxious because of their responsibilities. Parents report increasing difficulty finding child care, with many stuck on waiting lists. A recent Ipsos report states that 54 per cent of parents are concerned about feeding their family and nearly three in four parents fear they couldn’t absorb an unexpected cost of $1,000 or more.
This isn’t just about feeling frazzled; it’s a public-health emergency that demands immediate attention in Canada, as well as in the U.S.
Our universal health care, extended parental leave and burgeoning $10-a-day child-care program may seem like shields from such issues. However, these solutions – while steps in the right direction – are insufficient bandages on a gaping wound.
The root cause transcends policy failures. It’s a cultural issue that runs deep through our country’s veins: the systemic undervaluation of caregiving. Unpaid household labour doesn’t factor into GDP calculations. Corporate bottom lines are not directly impacted by whether employees are rested and patient parents at day’s end. As individuals, we often prioritize paid labour over caregiving, powering through the 50th work e-mail while viewing the fifth load of laundry as pure drudgery.
Caregiving struggles don’t directly impact financial outcomes. So making real changes to support parents is a hard sell.
U.S. Surgeon-General Vivek Murthy emphasizes this point, stating: “It’s time to value and respect time spent parenting on par with time spent working at a paying job, recognizing the critical importance to society of raising children.” This call for a cultural shift is the primary recommendation in the report and one that Canadians must heed as well.
Our culture is shaped by “rules” – norms and constructs we’ve collectively adopted. Just like we all know not to microwave fish at the office, we have bombarded parents with unspoken rules and unrealistic expectations.
At work, long hours and weekends are a must to get ahead. At home, we’re expected to be perfect parents, juggling extracurriculars and homemade everything – without ever losing our temper. We also feel pressured to maintain peak personal fitness and an ideal partnership, complete with weekly date nights.
While working with thousands of parents, I’ve seen firsthand how questioning these norms can lead to transformative change. It’s about intentionally examining the expectations we’ve internalized and asking: Do these truly serve me and my family?
Imagine deciding that it’s okay to leave work at 4:30 p.m. for daycare pickup, even if it means your career progression slows for now. Picture choosing to skip the provincial gymnastics circuit, acknowledging your child likely won’t be an Olympian – and that’s perfectly fine. Envision defining your own measures of success, both at work and in parenting, rather than adhering to society’s one-size-fits-all model. These individual choices, these personal “rule breaks,” are how we begin to reshape our lives and, ultimately, our culture.
Waiting for systemic overhaul is not a luxury most families can afford. We’ll know our world has been redesigned for working parents when we see Fortune 500 chief executives home making dinner for their families each night. Since that is not likely to happen any time soon, each of us can begin today by redefining success on our own terms, prioritizing what truly matters in our families and communities. By doing so, we not only improve our own well-being, but also pave the way for broader societal change.
The U.S. Surgeon-General’s warning is a wake-up call that transcends borders. Canadians should heed this advisory and create a culture where parents don’t just survive, but thrive. Our children’s future – and indeed, the future of our society – depends on it.